2012/10/27

Books I want to read

The Muslim next door - "I don't care who you are or what faith tradition you follow, this book is necessary." Not Free E-book
DEPRESSION VS. CONTENTMENT: AN ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE (Depression in Islam, Download Free E-Book)

If you have read any book that you recommend, please let me know!

Several stages of Iman.

There is several stages of Iman. One of these are that of the prayer. Perhaps you already do the prayer at time, within the proper time. You have done that and that is good, but at the same time you don't do the prayer within the first time of the prayer. You delay it until the last part of it. So the next stage of your iman has to be to pray within the proper time and also within the first period of the proper time. This is more difficult than you think.

You are very knowledgable about islam and you know what to do, but you don't do it. You feel that Allah will accept your repentance because in your heart you are close to Allah. But the fact is that you are far away from Allah. Most people are far away from Taqwa. They continue to eat what they use to eat, sleep late at night even though it is sunnah to sleep early. They sleep not only during the morning and sometimes miss the morningprayer, but they never pray Qiyamah, the night prayer, even though they might stay up all night.

Most people don't read the Qur'an during the night. They are very few. And those who to that and persist upon it, they are rare. So if you are amongst those, inchallah you will have your prayer accepted.

The next part of the faith must be that you just not only pray at time and within the first time, you also add to it the sunnah, i.e. rakat before and after the fard-prayer i.e. the obligatory prayers. That is not only hard to do, but sometimes with a lot of things around you, you don't have the time, nor do you love to do that.

Ponder this. Even though you know what to do and how to do it, whether it is start exercising, eat properly, get the car you want, the promotion you long for or the family you dream of, you don't always discipline yourself to do what it requires of you. It needs a lot of hard work. It needs support and motivation. Most the time when you start something new you stop quickly. You persist perhaps one day or a quarter of a day, then you are tired, or fatigued and then you stop doing it and don't try until much later again.

When somebody starts something new they need a tutor or someone who can help them get through the first period of time. It takes about 40 days before you change your behaviour. That is why you can't do it alone, not at the beginning. You have to have somebody who you can talk to, somebody who intervene between you and your own self. This somebody must understand the importance of the intervention, even though he or she don't do what you want to do. But it is much easier if you find somebody who actually does what you want to do. They will remind you and help you on the way to success. Because do the prayer is success. And who doesn't want success?

How to change somebody's mind and thoughts!

How does Politics work? 

Ponder this!

My brother-in-law wanted to marry a girl that the family was against. Everybody was against the proposition of my brother-in-law, even I and my husband.
When my brother-in-law told his family about his proposition, they all responded negatively and they closed the door. Everybody - except me. Why?
Why didn't I close the door right away like the other did? It is so easy to do that. To order somebody a change. I didn't do that because I know the secret to get to people's heart and mind.

If you want to change the mind of someone, you just can't close the door. It will help nobody. Yes, you will perhaps prevent the happening to be, by closing the door, but you will on the other hand have an enemy and an enemy will not listen to you. He will hate you.

So what do you have to do to change the mind somebody? 

You have to be "sneaky" in a good way. You have to know how to play your cards well, how a played card will affect the other person. That is the way I used to make my brother-in-law change his mind about this girl. I left the door open. I told him I was by his side and that I would be on his side together with my husband if he wanted to make a war against his family and if he wanted to fight for this girl. I told him that he had the right to marry this girl, even if it is not recommended, as he will be in need of tied kinship after the marriage and other things. It is true. It is not easy to marry somebody you love without the support of the family, especially if you don't have a house, nor a job. It is with other words impossible. But to say that directly will not change his mind. You have to say a lot of other things first. 

So, what was my strategy? 

I said to him that he could go through his actions and his intentions and I told him what to do practically  i.e.  he has to have a job and an apartment. He also needs to feel that the girl he is in love with will accept this arrangement. He said that she was. But here is the trick. I knew that when I said that, he would respond to it with pleasure. He would accept this proposition. What he didn't knew was that I knew that he couldn't go through it. I already knew the impossibility of his thoughts. But I wanted him to FEEL it and really live it out, as it would actually happen. This way, he would start acting differently. He will now be open to all of your advice and proposition, because he feels that you are with him, not against him. And that is the secret to every advice given to any person. It has to be in align with what he wants.

Listen, give a couple of advice and then be patient. Let the words, the sublime message, work for itself. 

When you once have laid your cards, you have to be patient. Why? Because your words will be repeated in the head, until the words you spoke will be HIS words. You don't have to do anyting, except being patient. He will believe that it is HE that has thought the thoughts  not that somebody told him what to do. Over and over again, the message is repeated in his head. During this period of patience he will try to argument against the message, but he will fail at the end.

I don't do anything, except waiting. It is like a radio in is head with commercial repeating all the time. The more he thinks of her, the more the advice I said to him will pop up in his head and I don't have to do anything, except to be patient. 

Of course the advice will not endure for a long time and your goal will not be gained right away. It will take weeks. It also needs some listening and new advice after every time you have listened. You can't tell him not to marry this girl the first time. It has to be a lot later on, after smoothly oiling his mind with small words.

The family didn't reach his mind because they acted like dictators when they gave advice.

In this case the whole family tried to "yell" at him day and night, telling him that he was wrong, that he did the wrong choice. But he didn't listen to them, nor to the advice they gave him. He didn't respond to that at all. He didn't accept the words because they had already closed the door to HIS choice. They couldn't reach him with anger. He felt that they didn't love him, even though that was not the truth. They loved him very much. But you can't change the mind of somebody with orders and closed doors. It must be with an open door and love for HIS choice, not hate towards his choice. Love for ideas that the people have can change the world, hate towards the opinions can never truly change it. And I am only talking about the mind of the society, not the physical appearance, that could be changed even if you don't change to mind. 

For three months my brother-in-law persisted the talk and the advice of the family, until I came to talk to him. Within a couple of days his mind began to change. For every time we spoke, or rather for every time he spoke, and I listened, I heard my words coming out of his mouth.

I hadn't and didn't say: "I told you so". Never. I let him believe it was his words all the time. Sometimes it seemed like he listened well, and sometimes it seemed like he hadn't listened. But be sure, the radio with the message is always in his head, repeating itself while he is fighting the message in his head, not with a physical person. He didn't have to fight the family any more. He only had to convince himself, but he couldn't, because the message is like RNA and DNA. It only repeat itself.

That is why he was so tired all the time, and sad, because he fought the message withing himself and the message overruled his own mind. 

I was sure about the effect of this method, and it worked. 

Sometimes we are inpatient about the effect of our words. But words will affect people, if they are together with love and respect for the choice somebody makes. It took me six weeks to change his mind, and I only had to listen well and say a couple of words at the end, leaving him with the message ringing in his head. We spoke about the girl once a week, all included six times. 

This is how Politicians work too. They show love for the people, they listen to them, they say a couple of words that is in align with what the people what to hear, and then they add a couple of words to get them to the goal they, the Politicians, have in mind. They plant the message in your head and then it will be repeated over and over again, until you believe it is true. Until you think it is your thoughts and your opinion.