2012/08/06

Can I go out when ever I want?

My mother has asked me several times if I can go out whenever I want to and just leave my husband and kids at home, just like my husband leaves us at home. 

But the fact is that I can go out if I want to and need to, without my kids. It is not a problem. The problem is that I do not have som many places to go to that I want to go to by myself. I am accustomed to be with the children all the time, more or less. 

and yes, when my husband was in an accident while the kids and I were in Tunisia and he was alone in Sweden, I left my children for two weeks. I do not have any problems doing that. The family took care of them. 

But the fact is also that you WILL have resposibility until they kids are adult and moving out. Until then I have to take care of them. My husband takes care of them too, but it is not just a Muslim issue, it is a global issue, because men are not helping enough at home. If they were like prophet Muhammad who sew his clothes, milked his goat and cleaned the house for his wives, then we would not write about it here. And the women are not created to clean the house or anything, but to raise and educate her children. And men are created to take care of the children AND to work. The men have two things. But , IF the woman wants to help him at home instead of a servant, THEN the husband must be thankful against her and allah that he has this diamond, this gold, this treasure, at home. 

I don't have any problem with my husband. I don't have the same life as he has. He likes to visit friends and he is very extrovert. I like friends too, but they don't call you whenever they can, especially single friends don't understand the life of a parent and they think that everyone can leave at once. That is the problem. I am introvert. I like to talk with people one-to-one. I love to reflect by myself. Many women don't understand this as they are extrovert, like my mother, and if they see me living like this they make islam+introvert Muslim= oppression. That is not true. Many muslim Women loooooove to go visit anybody anytime. They have their job and families, but they can't stand being alone. I am not like these women. I can see somebody, but after that I have to be alone for two to three days. 

My and my husbands character are good together, but these kind of thinking makes me tired. Why can't people think instead of taking their thoughts and idelas and transmit it to me and my husband. I am good in my relationship with my family. We laugh, we are joyful. We are not stressed out. We are calme and we hug a lot. We make time for these things and most of the time both I AND my husband are at home. My husband, too, likes to be at home. He don't want to "go out". Go out means for a none-Muslim, visit friends, go to concerts, go dancing at clubs, go to fitness-club, go anywhere and leave the family the whole day. The problem with this question is that Muslims don't do clubs, concerts, and any sort of Music, places with alcohol etc. 

My husband doesn't cook. That is true. But he helps me with my children, give them clothes, wash the clothes, cleans the house, takes out the trash, BUT he doesn't like to wash the dishes. When he lives alone, without us he does everything except cooking and washing up the dishes. He does that once a week (!). not healthy, but he doesn't like it. That's all. When he is alone, he is praying, reading Qur'an, going to the mosque to pray and learn Qur'an. Sometimes he is with friends. But most of the time he works. 

So, is this a problem? Can I go out when ever I want? Yes, of course I can, but I don't want to and THAT is the real "problem". 

Sincerely
/Pernilla

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